Day 29 The long climb up the mountain

 I am feeling much better today, sorry about the whiny post yesterday.  I feel much better.   

So Thomas is rejected by the Franciscans and his dreams about being a priest are shattered.  He doesn't know why God is doing this but decides if he can't be a Friar he can still live like one as best he can.  He goes up state to a Franciscan college, St Bonaventure, and gets a job teaching English.  He states,

It was a difficult and uncertain business, and I was starting again to make a long and arduous climb alone, and from what seemed to be a great depth. 

If I had ever thought I had become immune from passion, and that I did not have to fight for freedom, there was no chance of that illusion any more. It seemed that every step I took carried me painfully forward under a burden of desires that almost crushed me with the monotony of their threat, the intimate, searching familiarity of their ever-present disgust.   pg 301

Several things struck me about this passage.  First, you can see how despondent he is and why the book is call The Seven Storey Mountain. How many times have I had a perfect plan only to see it blow up in my face?  How could this possibly be part of God's plan?  There must be some mistake.  Well, Thomas Merton, the one who is our spiritual guide this Lent and is telling us to trust God's will had this happen to him.  He has been there and is still telling us this. 

The second thing that struck me was the idea of "fighting for freedom from sin."  I often think of following God's rules as limiting freedom but here Thomas is giving us insight that while we are in sin we think ourselves as free but we are actually slaves to our passions.  Am I really free if I am addicted to my cell phone or have to have seen the latest movie?  Following God is what we are called to do to fulfill our nature.

My prayer today Lord, help me to accept and do your Will even when it makes no sense to me. Give me faith to trust in You no matter how bad the situation may be.  Also give me courage to follow you even when it isn't trendy.  Amen

Pax

Joe