So we begin week 2. Thanks for reading. Thomas is in English boarding school which he likes better. His dad has gotten a brain tumor and lies in a London hospital undergoing numerous surgeries which won't help. Thomas feels his spirit becoming more and more rebellious. Shortly after the new year ( 1931 I think) when Thomas is 16 his father dies. He is obviously sad as he was close to his father. He writes:
"It was in this year too, that the hard crust of my dry soul finally squeezed out all the last traces of religion that had ever been in it. There was no room for any God in that empty temple full of dust and rubbish which I was now so jealously to guard against all intruders, in order to devote it to the worship of my own stupid will.
And so I became the complete twentieth-century man." pg 85
I love the imagery Merton uses here; "hard dry crust of soul", "empty temple full of dust". How many times have I been mad at God for something and told Him, "Enough! I will not follow you." How empty is my soul right now because I continue to worship my own stupid will? It is so easy to justify our actions, to give into the glitz and fake mysticism of the world. And once we have done that we become, according to Merton, the definition of a modern man or woman.
Now I would hope that I can be a modern man and not have a soul that is hard crust but I admit it is a hard road to walk and not go down the path of compromise. But who is to say if I am doing a good job? I doubt a man with an empty, dusty soul knows he has one. Here is what I think, first, pray for God's guidance and grace. If we continue to earnestly ask, we shall receive. We might not like the answer but we will hear the answer. Second, we can check in about our behavior with people who have moral compasses we trust; family, pastors and good friends. I think with these two checks we can be modern people close to God.
My prayer today; Lord, soften my soul and sweep the rubbish out so that I may serve You more faithfully. Thank you for providing me companions along the way to help guide me on the journey. Amen
Pax
Joe
Since my faith is weak and I struggle with the conceptions of God and heaven I decided to live the best life but always be a helper- watch for the more vulnerable soles old people, children, homeless , mentally ill.
ReplyDeleteWith or without faith we can try to be good people. Of course I have my days however one blessing of age is knowing simple kindness and respect go a long way.
Isn’t that what God wants?